Pathetic

The one word I would use to describe myself today would be pathetic. For the life of me, I can't seem to motivate myself to do the list of things I need to do. I don't know if its because I'm still early in break (the last day of school was one week ago today), just a very lazy person, or need someone else to get me going, but I just seem to avoid the stuff I need to be doing.

The funny thing is, I almost have to work harder to find things to fill my time with. This blog post, for example. As I'm sure you're aware, I'm not really a regular blogger, mostly because of the time it takes and the time I usually don't have. Yet I still have only posted one other time since finishing the school year. I'm post now, partly, as a way to not do the other things I need to do.

I don't know if I've posted this before, but I know I've said to people that, for the most part, I don't mind living by my self. In fact, most of the year I kinda' prefer it. After working a 10 -12 hour day, I usually don't want to see people and would rather be by myself. That works out great. In the summer, however, it gets very different. Instead of spending my whole day with medium sized groups of people, I spend my day by myself. This is the time of year when its the hardest to be by myself. Part of me wonders if I'd be more motivated if there was someone else here. I'd like to think so, at least. : )

One good thing that I've done this summer is create a list of the things I want to accomplish. I've been adding to the list over the past week and have now just about filled up a post-it note with things I need/want to accomplish. The next thing I really should do is set myself some deadlines and plan out when I'm going to work on each of those things. Without those deadlines, I really don't think that I'm going to get anything done on my own.

I am, and alwasy have been, a fabulous procrastinator. In fact, a good friend of mine gave me a demotivational poster that sits right above my computer all about procrastination. I think one of the reasons I'm so good at procrastinating is that I need the external motivator of a deadline to force me to complete a task. As a perfectionist, I want to complete everything to the best of (and if I could, beyond the best of) my ability, so when a deadline is near, my desire for perfection forces me to complete the task.

Right now, the only natural deadline I have is the end of the summer, which seems a long way off. But when I look at the amount of time I actually have do accomplish things around the house this summer (see previous post), I realize that I'm down to...only about 3 weeks before I leave for nearly a month. And let's be honnest, once I start trainings and school stuff in mid-August, I'm not going to get much done around the house.

So I think my goal for the end of today should be to set deadlines/a schedule for myself to complete my list of tasks. If I can get that done today, I'll have more luck in being able to actually accomplish the goals I have for myself.