More than I can chew?

Today began my return to Skyview JH. Back in the 8th grade earth science class I observed in September, many things are the same, while some have changed (like one of the students going from the popoular long hair to a shaved head). While it was kinda' fun to be back, there really wasn't much for me to do, so I quickly fell back into the "I have nothing to do so I'm really bored" mode. I know I'll get to teach next week sometime, but until then I'd like to be doing something. Granted I have assignments to do for UW and today was just the first day, but still.

After school I drove out to Issaquah to do my first tutor session w/ another guy; yes, I picked up another job. Just one night a week, though. So that puts me w/ tutoring on Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday nights, with church on Wednesday nights...makes for a really busy week. Especially when I really have to just go strait from Skyview to the tutor session and don't get home until 8 or 9, depending. Throw on top of that the M's starting in April, and I'm going to be going crazy. But what else is new? : P

Put a stop to it

I'm out of control. I do nothing but complain anymore. I think the trouble started w/ my need to vent on topics that frustrate me, but I think it's gotten out of control. Especially at school. It takes all the energy I have just to keep my mouth shut.

I suppose I was a bit better today, seeing as I mostly made comments under my breath, but even those should not have been made. I'm trying to be a witness, but how can I "shine like stars in the universe" if I can't "do everything without complaining and arguing"? Obviously only by the grace of God, 'cause I certianly can't do it on my own. I need a heart change, and attitude change so that I don't get frustrated in the first place, or at least don't feel the need to express it openly.

This may still be a place where I vent my frustations, simply because I think it's a healthy place to do so. But I hope that in my life interactions I can learn to curb my venting frustration and become a shining star...

Ok, I suck

I don't care how many times people tell me "Oh, you'll make a great teacher." They aren't sitting in on my methods class watching me fail miserably. If my methods class has done nothing else it has made me question my ability to teach. Every time I get up to teach and try something, even after I feel like I've done a good job it gets torn to pieces and needs to be totally rethought. Anything that I do that does get complemented is usually something I wasn't aware I did, so that doesn't really help much.

My only saving grace this quarter is my adolescent development class. I really enjoy that class. In fact, it's the only class I've been able to say that about since I entered the program. I really don't have anything I don't like about the class. Can you believe it?

Seriously, those of you who knew me in HS would totally recognize my behavior in my classes now. Remember my reaction to Mrs. Wall, Mr. Kirkpatric, Mrs. Stubbs, etc? Yeah, well it all came back. I really haven't been this frustrated w/ school since HS, which is really too bad. I was expecting to really enjoy all my classes since it's what I want to do w/ my life; think again.

Things really aren't terrible, it's just frustrating that it's frustrating. But tomorrow I'm going to have a good day w/o class and in the evning I'll be doing games w/ friends so I'm looking forward to that. Gotta have something to pull me thru...

I've been heard

For the first time since I've entered UWs teacher education program I feel like I've truely been heard by someone in charge. On Thursday I made a comment in my adolescent development class (the class that is my one saving grace this quarter) about suggesting something that goes against the TEP philosophy. It wasn't anything major or huge, and I didn't really do it to challenge, just to ask "what's the reason behind this?" (I know, some of you know that sometimes I do ask questions just to challenge, but this wasn't one of those times). After class the prof asked me about it and really dug into the issue that I've been having w/ the TEP program (I know, it's redundant like ATM machine, but it just doesn't sound right any other way). But for me, not only did she ask me about it, but for the first time I feel like she understood my answers. She asked follow up questions that indicated that she was listening and understood the meaning I was trying to convey. You have no idea how much that means to me.

My methods prof tried last quarter (see this post to for a refresher), and she really thought that she understood, but there was a big component that she didn't get and so I resigned myself to the fact that she doesn't really understand, thought she does get effort points. But to have a prof who really does understand is great. It's validating and makes me feel like I have an advocate if I need one.

This quarter is going to be hard for several reasons, one of which is all the baggage I bring to it from last quarter. This prof and this class are perhaps a gift from God telling me that I can enjoy myself and I'm not completly crazy and off base with my frustrations.

Same song, second verse...

So I've now finished the first week of the second quarter of the MIT program at UW. And may I say, it's just like the first quarter. No, I don't have the same multicultural class that gave me so much greif last quarter, but the same issues and frustrations exist.

I started the quarter w/ my assessment class which is taught by a Chineese American lady. She's really nice, but has a very thick accent and it's very difficult to understand what she's saying at times. Not only that, but (I think because of cultural differences) I don't always understand what she means, even if I can understand what she says. But the part that was the most frustrating is the thing that's bothered me about the program from last quarter: excessive post-modernism. It's insane. There is no good or bad, right or wrong, and yet they deffinatly have a perspective, they just can't say it because they have to remain grey. They don't believe in answering questions, but instead ask what the class thinks. While there can difinalty be some value to this, it really gets to me. I'm paying money to go to their school and learn from people who are supposed to be experts, not to listen to others who know as much about teaching as I do tell me what they think. I want to be taught, I want to be instructed, I want to understand.

Thankfully, the bright spot this quarter is my adolescent development class. The proff is great, not only because she has a great personality, but also because she is much less into the post-modernism and more willing to give us (students) what we're looking for: practical teaching strategies. For one of the first times since I started the program in September I actually took notes on something I can use in my classroom; she actually gave a "how to" that I can really use! You have no idea how great that made me feel. It felt like a breath of fresh air; finally something I can acutally use without having to figure it all out on my own by trial an error.

Ok, now that I've vented, I need to take these frustrations and get past them. This quarter I really don't want to let it all get the best of me. I'm in this program to learn how to teach, and by golly I'm going to learn how to be the best teacher I can be, regardless of how I'm taught. I just need help getting past my frustrations and learning to perservere thru them. So if you're looking for something to pray for, that would be great if you could add it to your list. I often don't feel like I'm representing Him all that well since I'm frustrated not infrequently. And of course that frustrates me. : )

One thing I have to look forward to is in 3 weeks I'll be back at Skyview JH to beging the begining of my student teaching. That'll be where I actually get to start doing some of this, and while I'm a bit apprehensive and scared, overall I'm looking forward to it. And of course, prayer would be appreciated on that front as well.

Alright, that's it for now. If I'm good I'll update again next week sometime. We'll see how my free time and motivation go.

Oh, and btw: I got a tutoring job. Actually, it's a cool story. Once again God provided in a way I never would have expected. But it's a good thing and I'm looking forward to it.

K, that's it for now.

One last day of freedom

That's right, after tomorrow it's back to class for me. Though I'd love to say I'm looking forward to it, that'd be a lie. I'm not dreading it, but I really would like to keep my less stressed time (go figure). Break has been good, but not nearly long enough.

Today I had the privilage of getting together w/ Wes and his new (to me) girlfriend, Crystal, as well as Ben and Nicole Bowman from HS. It was great to see them and to meet Crystal. It's funny how seeing some people from HS is cool and others borders on scarry. I know some of you know what I mean.

Last night I was over at Paul's friend Arthur's house for the evening. We had a good time playing Taboo, as well as a round of Poker (not my favorite game, but I ended up doing alright; didn't loose any money, so that's gotta count for something). It was cool that there were only 5 of us there. Small enough to really talk to everyone and have some good conversation.

Tonight is my sister Cari's last night at home for a while, possibly ever (w/ this being her primary home, that is). She's planning to get an apartment this summer down by BIOLA so it could be a while before I see her again. I'm excited for her, but sad to see her go. It's been great to have her home (and Amy as well, but she's here until next weekend).

Umm, can't really think of anything else to update you on. Hope you all have had a great 2005 so far. I'm sure the rest of it will bring many things, both expected and unexpected. I only pray that when we get to this point next year we can look back and see where God's brought us!